I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
