YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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