dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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