fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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