she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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