I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
