I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
