its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
