We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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