so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
