I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
