once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
