Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
