He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
he fucked my hip out of place.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
