rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
