omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
