i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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