I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
