So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
