The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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