happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
