mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Randomize
