why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
