never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
