John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
