How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
send nudes
from the living room?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
