I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
