she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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