remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
