I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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