Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
