nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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