there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
