I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
