normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
