just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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