I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
