So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
