You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize