I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
