God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
