you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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