the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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