I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
