goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Randomize
