I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
