omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is Oprah even human
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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