Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
