You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
