I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize