We named our party play list daddy issues
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
