Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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