You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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