I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
