My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
