Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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