There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize