You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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