Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
