But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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