dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Randomize
