i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
