So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
