we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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