4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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