This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
