So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
