I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
