Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize