Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
