WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
