He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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