It's Friday. Sex?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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